Google, my hero

M did in fact discover the answer to the mystery of the dishwasher child lock thanks to friend Google. While it may not know everything, it holds the key to many, many mysteries.

And in case anyone is curious or faces a similar situation themselves (hello Google searchers!), to unlock the child lock on a random, have no idea what model it is, KitchenAid dishwasher you need to hold down the Energy Saver Dry button for five seconds. Who know? Clearly not I.