Saturday, December 11, 2004

So Very Tired

I am so very tired. M is in Vegas this weekend (pleasure trip, a whole other entry could be written to describe the bitterness I feel) and I am running on a fuel of diet coke and coffee. Which is a double edge sword since I am still nursing A, and am just waiting for her to wake up wired. So far I've been lucky, but my luck never lasts long with these things.

C droppped his nap right about the time A was born (go figure) but still desperately needs it. So at 1pm pretty much on the dot my child goes from lovable cuddly happy child to hell on wheels. And from 1 until I can finally get him in bed at about 6:45, I am fighting a losing battle trying to keep him from hurting himself or others (particularly A) as his self control is gone gone gone.

About once a week I finally cave and force a nap on him by lying down with him when M is home on the weekends, and that seems to buy me a day or two of relative peace. Today I tried to swing it by myself and we just ended up waking A so I drove both kids around town for an hour so they could nap. The upside, I found our next neighborhood and narrowed down the houses I would like to a small handfull :-). The downside, C is still up and it is 9:10. There will be no sleep for the weary.

I have no idea how to resolve this situation, and frankly I don't think there is a blessed thing I can do about it besides soldier on and wait for him to grow up enough so he doesn't need as much sleep. Silly me thought it would be a transition of a few weeks, tops. I now think we are looking at many more months, if not years.

I keep looking at A and thinking there is something I can do to make her a better sleeper. And she is marginally better than C was at here age, but just marginally. I have a feeling that I will be tired for many more years to come. M has promised me two weekends away in exchange for this trip to Vegas (I think the guilt kicked in, finally) and quite honestly there is no place I want to go besides bed. Alone. With my pillow. And that is where I am now headed, as I think C has finally drifted off.