Jealous No More

I have always been slightly jealous of my friends who have playdate after playdate and birthday party after birthday party. Their lives seemed so much more interesting and engaged than ours. While we have a few regular meet ups and hang outs, in general our life revolves around our house and whatever activities I dream up (or, more and more frequently, those C invents). I have frequently wondered if I am doing C and A a disservice by not exposing them to more children, not reaching out more to the other families we meet.

Today C and I spent the late morning at the adored Julia's birthday party. C had a blast stuffing his new pig Pete, eating pizza and chocolate cake, and participating in all the varied games and activities. I stood in the other room for most of the party watching C and listening in on the conversations of the other mommies who run in very different circles than I. The circles that do playdates and birthday parties.

As I was listening to the schedules these families keep, I realized that I could never have kept up if I had ended up in that world. By nature I am a homebody, my ideal day is one spent at home curled up with a good book or in the kitchen cooking. This weekend most of the children at the party had attended three birthday parties and they had playdates scheduled for most days of the week. It made me neurotic and anxious just thinking about the pressure of it all. Not so much from my children's standpoint, but from my own. I had a hard time finding someone to talk to through one birthday party; if I had been forced to do that three times this weekend M would have had to have me committed on Monday morning.

I know that many people thrive on interacting with others and look forward to social interactions with new people. M is one of those people and I believe that C will probably be one too. But it's just. not. me. C and A may choose to be more social when they grow old enough to dictate their own schedules, and part of me hopes that they will. But for now they are stuck with my choices. Today made me realize that I have chosen the path that is right for me just as my more social friends have chosen the one that is right for them. And my jealously has turned to relief.